Growing

Today has been hard. Had to announce to our youth group tonight that we are leaving okemah, the church is not financially stable and cant afford to have us here.This is completely beyond our control and was not the plan! Im going to be really honest. Im hurting alot. We just got here in December and to the outside world this might seem like an epic fail! But i know its not. God brought us here and we have had some awesome experiences and faith filled days from the very day we decided to step away from everything comfortable and safe in our lives. I have began amazing new relationships. Plus seeing God "encounter" a few of our students here has been so fulfilling for me. 

I have been very "strong" since January when our pastor resigned and the stable ground under us began to shake and crumble. In my christain "maturity" i have learned enough to know that God is in control, that he has a plan, and that this is being used to grow me and strengthen me.......I haven't doubted God or felt alone, but i need my emotions to catch up with all that "maturity". 

Tonight i just had to get before God and cry and cry and cry. I had to let out what i have been trying to hold in. Telling myself i had it all together. God knows this is hard, and that vulnerability with God is really what this relationship is about. I trust him and i plan to look back on this with wisdom in my soul and a greater Love and trust for him than before. But right now i just pray for guidance and faith. I know he hears me and that's enough. This is just my trial for this season in my life. We all have our own, and no matter how big or small he cares a great deal and loves us more than we can understand.

God Bless

Pastor Russell and Ashley